The Parent Who is Never in the Photos
By Steve Braglio | Lehigh Valley Family + Wedding Photographer
Let me tell you something I probably should not admit as a photographer.
For the first few years of my daughters’ lives, I was not in a lot of them.
It’s not because I wasn’t there for first steps, first words, or random silly moments throughout the day. I saw it all, but most of the time, I was the one documenting those moments. It kind of felt like my job, and honestly sometimes it’s easier to be behind the camera.
But when I go back and look at the photos on my phone or on my computer, there’s someone missing. Me.
When I saw that, I realized that I had to change what I was doing. I don’t want my kids looking through these photos years from now saying “where’s Dad?”
The Parent Behind the Camera
Here’s how it is in most families.
Something exciting happens and someone grabs a camera or starts snapping pictures on their phone. They get the picture, make sure the moment is captured, share it with everyone around and maybe on Facebook, and then go back to being in the moment.
That’s exactly where they’re supposed to be, but this also means that they’re not in the photo.
This happens all the time. Every week, over and over again. One parent becomes the family’s personal photographer while quietly disappearing from the family’s record while curating all of the highlights. Part of the reason I got into photography was because of my dad. He was always the one taking the photos. There’s a bunch of him in them, but with him turning 85 this year, I wish there were a lot more.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. I hear this all the time when I talk with families about planning their family portrait session. If there is one point I want to make, don’t feel guilty about not being in the photos. You’re doing great, and I’m glad you’re here.
Why It Happens (And Why it Makes Total Sense)
As a dad, it’s usually pretty simple. We tend to be a little less sentimental and that we really don’t need to be in the photo. We just kind of step back and get the photo. Someone will probably grab a photo of us in it at some point and we’ll get it in a group text. It’s all good.
For moms it can be a little different. They’re always rushing around making sure that everyone is taken care of and all of the fires are put out. Shoes are matched, faces are clean, no grass stains on knees or Spaghettio’s on shirts.
Both end up in the same place for different reasons, out of frame and taking the photo..
Both reasons make total sense. Life is unpredictable and it’s totally normal to feel self-conscious and not photo ready. Something always feels more important than being in the photo.
Waiting to feel ready is just waiting. To quote my favorite Peloton instructor, Bradley Rose “ready is not a feeling, it’s a decision.”
What Your Kids Are Going to Want Someday
Picture this for a minute.
Twenty years from now, your kids are going through old photos, either on screens or in albums. They want to piece together their childhood. They’re trying to remember the blur of the first 18 years of their life from before having core memories to their senior photos. The smell of bacon and pancakes on a Saturday morning when they’re watching Bluey on the couch while you were whipping up breakfast. They will want to remember what that season of their life was like.
They’re not looking for the perfect staged photos. They want the selfies with messy hair or the silly Snapchat filters you were putting on. They want to see laughs and hugs because they want to remember FEELING loved.
They want BOTH of you in those photos.
A good family session captures this. I’m not talking about the annual 15 minute mini-session in front of a vintage red truck with everyone sitting on a hay bale. I’m talking about spending time as a family being your best selves. Just being present and playful. Letting the chaos happen and embracing it because this time, you’re part of it.
That’s a pretty good reason to go and do it.
What I See When I Photograph Families
One of the best parts of photographing a family session is seeing how things change once everyone gets a little “warmed up.”
Everyone seems a little stiff when they arrive at the session. The kids are trying to figure me out. Dad is firing off the best dad jokes and Mom is mentally going through all of the things that need to happen now, in the next 30 minutes, and for the rest of the day.
At some point, something shifts a little. One of the kids does something funny or something unexpected happens to break any kind of tension. The dynamic goes from “we’re getting our photos taken today and everyone is going to look happy” to “we didn’t even realize you were taking pictures.”
Those are always the best photos from the session. Every single time.
Don’t get me wrong, the posed shots always turn out great, but the most memorable ones are when everyone lets their guard down a little and get to be themselves. The photos where the dad is looking at the amazing family he has. The photos where mom isn’t worried about what has to happen next and she can be present and enjoy the moment. The ones that look exactly like what it feels like to be that family on a really good day.
These are the images I’m always after and they’re always worth the wait.
You Do Not Have to Feel Ready
If you made it this far, there is one thing I want you to take from this.
You’re never going to look back at the photos and wish you waited longer to schedule the session.
You’re going to remember how little the kids were, how young you looked. You won’t remember the mess in the kitchen or how you didn’t mow the lawn because it rained every day you were off from work.
Where your family is right now, with your kids the age they are and the wonderfully imperfect life you have. . . . that’s the version that worth documenting. Not “when you’re ready” right now.
Don’t worry about having all your ducks in a row. Just show up with all of them, and let me take care of the rest.
Mom and Dad, both of you in the frame.
Steve Braglio is a Lehigh Valley family and wedding photographer based in Easton, PA. He has been a Technology Education teacher for 25 years and is a parent of two young kids. His sessions are built around real families, real moments, and the occasional friendly meltdown.